Blah, Blah, Blah.

I don't expect you to look at all of/any of the following.
This is very self indulgent of me, and I won't be angry if you wander off looking glazed.
But, if you do care to stay, read on, little runty fans, underlings and disciples, as I ramble for hours and hours about myself.
Follow the footsteps of my very stumps. (Stumpsteps?)
Enter the gloomy smog, otherwise known as the studio.
Come hither children! Come hither!

Studio Atmosphere and Posture.

I do as much as I can whilst kneeling on the floor, hunched over the mixing desk.
When I'm near to the ground, I seem to be able to concentrate more easily. I've no idea why.
My ideal studio would have a hole cut into the floor for my legs to dangle through, then they might not keep going blue and my toes would stop threatening to drop off.
Between myself and the floor is a very old red patterned rug, to absorb the Earl Grey I frequently dribble when my mind is too busy for mouth control.
The room is lit by an assortment of little lamps, including a nice orange lava lamp and some fairy lights.
I work best in the middle of the night, mainly because there are far fewer distractions.
I get distracted easily. Wow! I just saw a woodlouse!
...Hmmm, this paragraph is getting dull. Next!

The 1st Album.

When I began recording the first album, it wasn't going to be an album at all, it was just a few demos of ideas, potentially Lucky Bishops songs.
Anyway, we (The Bishops) weren't feeling very active, so I gradually started to un-demo (?) the recordings on my own, so that songs were of full lengths, and with all the correct instruments playing the correct parts. (Though fuck knows why I decided to do it in secret?!?! What a weirdo!)
Before I knew it (well, actually about three years later, but my mind is slow) the album was done! (Hoorah! Not a secret anymore!)
It crossed my mind to re-do it "properly" with a polished sound in mind, using a real drummer, guitarist, singer, etc. But by then, I'd got really attached to it, and from past experience, I am sure any re-doing of the album would've lost its charm, or something. And like I said, it was done, and time to move on.
So yep, the end result is a bit of an oddity. Some songs have whole sections pasted on like a scrapbook, including bits of music I recorded years ago in The Bishop's shed, such as this clip.
And there are a hell of a lot of different sounds on it: Guitars, accordions, banjo, Hammond organ, trumpet, percussion, harmonica, recorder, reed organ, the rain, the wind, some food frying, several explosions, etc, etc.
And I am very pleased with the overall result of the cd. It really is fucking brilliant, even if you disagree with me entirely! (Wise and attractive people seem to agree with me.)
The sleeve is also nice.
You can learn more about it by clicking here!

Equipment.

My bedroom/recording studio is full of stuff. (Cor blimey, are you still with me?) The more interesting stuff includes...

A Hammond L100: The affordable and small sibling of the B3, containing the essential valves and mechanical tonewheels, but thinner sounding- more Small Faces than Jimmy Smith. It whirrs when you turn it on and after a few minutes, it begins to smell really nice. I sometimes use its own internal amp and reverb unit for other instruments. It does something really gloopy and fluffy to whatever is plugged into it. Understand?

An enormous Leslie speaker clone made by a weird Italian company called Rolling Sound. I bought this on ebay when I was drunk and had to drive to Wales to collect it, with the alternator dangling along the road all the way back. Worth it though!

A Fender Rhodes piano: It's a bit tired. Each note has its own character. Lovely!

Someone else's sitar: I believe someone gave it to his girlfriend some time in the 60s. They split up. She lent it to her next boyfriend. He lent it to Gothic Chicken Marco ("Hello Scotsman"). Marco lent it to Rick (The daddy round here) and Lucy (BIBS!). They lent it to me. I'm not sure who to lend it to yet. It's not that good actually, though it does look gorgeous!

A tiny wooden reed organ: It was made by Hohner in the 50s (?) and I got it free with an ugly table from a junk shop. (Portland is weird like that!)

Some Arbiter Flats drums: These are real drums, not electric, but they have no shells so they are quieter and smaller than real REAL drums. Apart from the snare. I have a real REAL snare, which is fucking loud! Despite the lack of shell, the bass drum sounds surprisingly ok when miked up well, and with shitloads of eq on. Better wash my mouth out with bleach now.

Two accordions: One is large, has many reed selectors and is in tune. The other is small, really pretty but almost unplayable. But I still prefer it. It is red with green bellows.

A one string violin made by Stroviols in the early 1900s (?) as a "practice vioin". I've been practicing with it for years and it still sounds bloody horrible! Doesn't seem to stop me recording it though. (Is "bloody" still a swear word?)
Here's a clip of "Butterflies" to demonsrate.

A theremin: I built it myself from a kit. Couldn't believe it when it actually worked! It's not a very playable example, but it's great for Hallowe'en! (As is my naked body.)

A pretty banjolin: A banjo with a mandolin neck, built by Melody Major in the 1950s. (They had a great logo!) It sounds really nice and I should play it at least nine times more often than I do.

A bed: I do most of my sleeping here. I never soil it during slumber...NEVER!
Impressed? I thought you would be.

An assortment of incredible jackets: I have a 1930s fire brigade bandsman's jacket from Marco, a fantastic 1970 leather jacket of my dad's with massive lapels and several of Nektar Pete's old psychedelic jackets which I wear around Weymouth to attract the fists and knives of the local scallywags. So, if you want to get rid of your favourite jacket, pass it this way!
Sorry! Just realised how off topic I've got.

Infrequently Asked Questions.

Blimey! I can't believe I'm occasionally being asked these, but it's true! Weird!
Well, here are the answers, fuckwits!

Q) Why do you use a drum machine on some songs?
A) I don't. Occasionally I loop real drums if I am incapable of doing a semi decent job of playing the intended rhythm for longer than a bar or so, rather than get a proper drummer to do it. I'd have to wait for him/her, and I like to get useable results really quickly. I have no patience at all, sometimes...besides, looped drums can sound great!

Q) But don't you hate new things?
A) Although I'm old fashioned when it comes to most of the music I like, I'm not anti-looping, programming, sampling or digitizing. I'm just anti-shit really. But if it sounds good to me, then it is welcome, even if that does make me a cheating, rotten swine!

Q) So, apart from the cheating you mentioned, did you play everything on the first album?
A) Not quite. Laurie Higgins ("I'm Piggy Higgins, taste my bacon") played double bass on two songs, Lucky Bishop Luke (Michael) snored on one song (perhaps he had read this page), and Rick from Eye (the daddy) spoke a tiny bit. I did the rest though. Clever me!

Q) What do you use for the vocal harmonies?
A) My voice, recorded lots and lots and lots of times.

Q) Why don't you re-record your stuff "properly"?
A) Because "unproperly" in this case is "properly". I might record the next album "properly" though. (Might ask Celine Dion to rub her teeth over it.)

Q) Are you working on album number two?
A) No, yes, no, yes, no, yes...I'm not telling.

By the way...

The studio is sometimes available for hire, at a minimum of Ł15 p/h.
Visit The Musical Whore for more information and clips of other stuff I've recorded and feel free to send an email to mrthomashughes@hotmail.com
if you're feeling rich!

Well, that's all for now.
Detention over.
Cheers!
Mr. Thomas Hughes.